The Question Spiral

#12

The Question Spiral
A Collaborative Writing Series for the Incurably Curious

“Welcome to a six-week writing experiment built on wonder, not answers. In the Question Spiral, 5–7 writers take turns exploring big, unsettling, beautifully human questions, each one sparked by the last. There are no prompts, no blueprints, no neat conclusions. Just a living chain of curiosity, where each essay responds, provokes, and invites the next. It’s not a ladder. It’s a spiral. And we’re writing our way through it.” (Joe Nichols)

As you can see this spiral has exploded from 5-7 writers to 13 so far.

Q#1- “What if we`ve been asking the wrong questions?” - Joe Nichols

Q#2- “Who would you be if no one had ever rewarded your restraint?” - Andrea Hoffman

Q#3- “What moment in your past feels emotionally unfinished—and what would it take to resolve it now?” - Jason of - All Things Mankind

Q#4- “What are the worst traits a human can have, and give examples of how these traits have affected you and your relationships throughout your life?” - Deb Lyons

Q#5- “What is a commonly accepted human nature, behavior or evolution that you don`t agree with and why?”- Eunié Light

Q#6- “How do you approach your growth and evolution journey, out of the purity of your own heart and with what the soul needs, and not out of mere performed tactics?” - Vivienne Helen

Q#7- “What Insights have you gained from this shamanic journey, blended with your own Life Experiences. Which Labyrinth journey do you intuitively feel the Soul has chosen for you - in the Light or in the Dark, and how may these learnings and insights change the way you move forward in life? - MJ Polk

Q#8- “What`s your torch? What do you lean on, or turn to when the darkness descends? And how does that shape your daily life?” - Craig Sefa

Q#9- “How do you wrestle with the mystery of light and darkness co-existing in your life, and what blessings or gifts have you found in the darkness?” - Boo Pfeiffer

Q#10- “What life lessons, if any, have you learned from reading, and has reading shaped your character? If so, how?” - Manny Wolfe

Q#11- “What do you think the biological reason for trauma is, given that more of us seem to have it than not, and that we don’t seem truly capable of not passing some form of it on to future generations?”- Robyn B.

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The question posed to me: Debra, how did becoming a parent change your view of yourself and the world around you?

My impression on the common theme running through each piece during this exercise, is that of light, darkness, love, understanding and meaning to questions that plague us all at some point in our lives.

Each of us in our various ways seek answers or at least an understanding as to why. Why are we as a species the way we are? What is our purpose, or is there a purpose to our existence? There must be… right?

The very first question in this spiral, Joe Nichols asks; “What if we`ve been asking the wrong questions?”

From there I began asking myself in which direction are we spiraling? Inward toward a center core of congenital knowledge or outward ever-expanding our concepts of what and why. Does it matter in which direction the spiral spins?

My youngest who battled addiction and some mental health issues would say, “I don`t want to spiral or I feel as if I`m spiraling.” To her, spiraling meant out of control as if she was losing her center. And for a long time, I believed the same definition that she gave to the word. I cannot say I do anymore and I`ll tell you why.

Using myself and not her as an example; Whenever I spiraled and felt I was losing control of my life or myself, I came back to my center, my core, my soul. As I was spinning outwardly in fear and doubt, surviving or running from one chaotic dilemma to another I felt out of control; life felt out of control. But was I? Maybe I was spiraling inward to find my center, my true self?

With each new question, our conversation seems as if it is opening and expanding widening with each authors perspective on the question posed to them. Yet maybe while expanding our perspective we are bringing each other closer to the center of a common humanistic understanding. Maybe it is a dual reality?

I laugh at myself as I ponder the above. Feeling as if I cracked the code to the meaning of life while simultaneously feeling I`ve lost my damn mind. The duality of living while dying or dying trying to live. Perspectives are dependent through prisms of life`s experiences, independent while effecting the whole of humanity.

Collectively we are a species. A group of similar yet not exact individuals, diverse and ever-changing- interacting, equally important, interbreeding genes. Welcome to the family of Homo-sapiens descendants of Neanderthals.

Another theme I seem to notice is that of traumatic events in each authors life that have led them to seek light from the darkness. Meaning from what seems meaningless. Many has been the forms in which one processes their trauma.

We try to numb first because the pain is unbearable. It rips away at the frailty of our being. Alcohol, drugs, depression, anti-socialistic behaviors, etc.; to escape, to deny, to explain. This leads us to ask why. Why are we the way we are? What events in our lives shaped us into who we claim to be? How do we do better collectively or individually to change what seems unchangeable?

Now back to the questioned posed to me: How did becoming a parent change your view of yourself and the world around you?

I have written about this very topic when I began writing here on Substack. For those who don’t already know my story, here it goes.

I was sixteen when I became a mother. I had left my parents’ home when I was fifteen. I declared myself emancipated (not legally) marriage did that for me.

The pregnancy came after the wedding however hard that is for some to believe. I purposely wanted a child. At first, I told myself it was for my husband who wasn`t able to be part of his first child’s life. Sadly, he wasn`t an active participant in our child`s life either.

An excerpt from the article I wrote about becoming a mom. 👇🏼

“The day the doctor put my sweet baby girl in my arms; is the day my life began to have purpose. It is that day, that moment, I began to live… with purpose. To give her all the love that I so desperately searched for.”

That pressure that I placed upon myself, to be the best mom, was just as hard on her as it was on me those first few years. I hovered in protection of her instead of allowing her to explore. The poor thing didn`t know what it meant to get dirt on her from playing in the sand or mud.

Thus began my challenge; I worked hard to heal my own inner child as not to instill in her the fear and doubts about self, that were instilled in me. And in doing so I saw my own mother in a different light. Years of therapy (6 in total) helped also.

My first child and I had five years before my second child was born. Those were my biggest years of developing who I was as a mother. We grew up together her and I. She was my labor of love, and that is the name of the song I wrote for her and sang to her for her sixteenth birthday. Below are the lyrics and you can read the story and hear the song on my Substack under the songs title.

                                   Labor of Love


I was just a child when they placed you in my arms
      and I was scared they`d take you from me
I counted your fingers and counted your toes
    closed my eyes and made you this plea

Refrain:      I`ll give you all I am and all I`ll ever be
                      draw my strength from God up above
                    If he will watch over you
                     and show me just what to do
                    Baby you`d be a labor of love

You`ve been a good girl, never to complain
    and oh, how you loved to run around
The sparkle in your eyes, was no big surprise
   Your laughter has been such a beautiful sound

 Through all your first times, I watched you explore
  and I`ve had to cut some apron strings
It`s hard to let go, and just watch you grow
  but baby, you`ll do incredible things

  Refrain:   And I`ll give you all I am and all I`ll ever be
                     and draw my strength from God up above
                          If he will watch over you
                        and show me just what to do
                    Baby you`d be a labor of love

You're getting older now, soon to be out on your own
   and like a bird I`ll watch you soar
Don`t be afraid to try, spread your wings and fly
   Trust your heart and trust in the lord

Ending R:    So, give life all you are and all you`ll ever be
                       and draw your strength from God, up above
                            For he will watch over you
                                and show you just what to do
                       Baby you're my labor of love
                             Baby you're my labor of love

How did my view of the world change in becoming a parent? That evolved with my children if I`m being honest. My faith evolved from religious or the religion I was raised in; to a more spiritual authentic look within myself and what I felt and believed my soul to be, and who God (source/creation) is to me.

Gone is the dogma that oppresses.

My view of the world is still evolving. I hold out hope for humanity that we will one day live in peace. To the realization that we are all created from source and that source is love. Sounds easy, yet here we are. Love is more than an emotion felt or said in declaration.

In my humble opinion.

Love is the reflection of one’s heart in motion. The millstone asking us to look internally until we take each judgement and assumption and reduce it in size until love is the flour in which we feed from.

That has been my view ever since becoming a parent. How do I become, show, and evolve into the love I feel so deep in my soul. Believe me I am still working on it even as a grandmother. Grandiose in my thinking that we can one day live as one species in sync with the planet we call home.

Often times I wonder, would I trade the life I`ve lived if it meant never learning the lessons in life I have? It has been through the turmoil that drove my fortitude. Would I have become who I am if not for what I have been through?

✨Be the Light

My question is to: https://substack.com/@itsannabelleklein

Q #12- Do you ever wonder, like I did, in the last paragraph I wrote and what would your answer be? (would I trade the life I`ve lived if it meant never learning the lessons in life I have?) & (Would I have become who I am if not for what I have been through?)