Time

The measurement of moments

everlasting

Pushing you forward

or holding you back

yet never are you standing still

It is as it was and shall ever be

since the dawn of time

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My mind wonders as I quietly say goodbye to a woman, a matriarch who became a friend to me. She celebrated her 94th birthday this past April. A beautiful glowing soul. Janet didn`t ever have a negative word to say about anyone. She would just say nothing at all.

She showed me how to properly light a wood stove, and she was lighting hers until a year ago. This was a woman of strength raising a family on a small dairy. Her husband had passed 30 years ago, and she continued on alone but never truly alone. For the family gathered daily around her kitchen table for morning coffee or a evening meal.

Tragedy took her will I believe a year ago this past April. Her youngest daughter though grown and my age died in her sleep. This her third child to bury. Her first-born son, a still born was laid to rest after delivery and eldest daughter succumbing to cancer 6 years ago. She still has three living children, many grandchildren and great-grandchildren.

I learned of her passing last evening even though I knew she was preparing to depart. Dementia kicked in after losing her youngest and took a strong hold of her reality. She had clarity here and there, I think she escaped into herself because the grief was too much to bear.

My last conversation with Janet was on her birthday. She called to thank me for the bouquet of flowers I sent. It was a lucid day, and I was pleased to be able to tell her how much she meant to me. She referred to me as “My Love” and I`m sure others also but I won`t lie in my heart I felt special.

Many in that generation spoke in terms of endearment. My own mother would say, “my girl” when speaking to me or “my boy” to my brother.

I will miss you Ma Janet, thank you all the love and the memories. 💞🙏🏼💫

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Billy is somehow holding on. I do not know how and I don`t think the doctors do either. His blood oxygen levels fall so low it boggles the mind how he is even conscious. I`ve double checked his monitor, cleaned it and it is properly working, using myself as a control against my own oxygen meter.

He wakes gasping for breath yet somehow makes it from his bed to his desk and gives himself breathing treatments. His numbers have been as low as 64, 67, 72 and with treatment climb to the high 80s or low 90s.

Pure determination is his will to carry on. We will celebrate two years of him living with me the 28th of this month!! God willing, he will see his 60th birthday in October. It isn`t that far off.

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I`ve been busy with appointments and the everyday of life. Though I keep informed I have limited my intake of the news and screen time. Mental health days to focus within the moment of what is right in front of me…... time.

Time with my brother, time with my own thoughts and grasping each and every moment time allots. Perpetual in motion, capturing it within each moment.

💖

✨Be the Light