The Hot Seat
Ever feel like you sat in the wrong seat and all that came at you was ugly. Well, a long time ago I used this analogy in reverse to help me with my anger. I was young when this became a regular way for me not to lose my sh*t and break something I`d only have to replace, being it was my stuff I broke.
I want to say I kind of learned it from Ma B. A sweet lady whose family gave me stability when I was young. When things were not going right and chaos ensued, Ma B. would grab the broom and literally start sweeping and ranting to the devil to get out and sweep him straight out the front door.
For my mental awareness, I used a chair and metaphorically placed the object of my ire in it. When I would be angry with someone or myself for not speaking out at whomever upset me. I would picture that person in a chair and begin to rant my range of emotions. I might start off really angry, which turned to hurt and finally tears by the time I was done.
Sometimes that person sat in the hot seat more than once before I worked through my anger. I always felt better afterwards. Not because it solved anything at the moment other than me feeling heard. Even if being heard was by my own ears. I might add sometimes hearing myself say the things I was saying stopped me in my tracks, causing me to rethink. What was I really angry at?
Sometimes the person I was angry with wasn`t the true source of my contempt. I was able to recognize that the person in the hot seat triggered an emotion from a trauma before and I imposed that past hurt to their statement than that of their intention.
Those times I gave the offender I had placed in the hot seat grace. I would later have a conversation with that person if possible and ask them what they meant by their words or actions. This opened communication and allowed calmer heads to prevail. And if such actions or words were meant to be hurtful, I had already worked out a boundary to be set depending on who it was.
Other times or should I say often times, by the end of a rant, I would metaphorically sweep all the negative unproductive things I said and place them in the garbage. In my mind or actually taking the empty dustpan filled with my rage and plopping it into the can with a bang. You`d be surprise how freeing it is.
Then I would proceed to process what was left. That is how I began to seek the positive. Even my illness took its turn in the hot seat. When the emotional release was done, I looked for the positive from it and saw my illness as a blessing.
I learned a lot about myself through this illness. I got to be home with my girls and raise them. I was able to support them, alone without child support. I lived to see them out on their own and grandchildren come into the world.
I appreciated just being alive. I faced my own mortality and that prodded me to heal the broken parts of myself. I lived life with gratitude and forgiveness. I went from wanting to die to wanting to live each day for what it was.
The hot seat began to become that place I sat fear, doubt, illness and despair. That place where I could get out all that I felt. It helped me not overreact and it helped me plan how I would handle the situation the next time I found myself there. I gave myself time to think on how to politely yet verbally take down a bully with nothing but the truth.
The hot seat helped me become stronger and less afraid. Through the years I haven`t had to rely on the hot seat to find my voice. I became confident in my ability to handle situations in the moment with control of my ire.
The hot seat remains and yes, I have placed a few top-ranking people in it. I have spewed my disgust, my infuriation and found my courage to voice my opinions where I would not have before, out of fear. I have found my voice.
If you find you are having difficulty expressing your anger and just need a safe place to air it all out without fear. Use the hot seat and let her fly! Then throw away the garbage, the pieces you didn`t really mean but God it felt good to say, and the years of built-up rage. What is left? Hope, insights, healing, ideas, solutions and maybe forgiveness to let go of them and for yourself to move on.
✨Be the Light
P.S. found some time to write this to drop in the morning. The Morning Tide gave way to the evening tide. Yet a good day just because I got to live it.
That's a great strategy! Love this 💗
Ah, wise practice. The monastery has a similar method, though we call it placing demons on the cushion. You sit them right down, let them bluster, rant, weep, and then sweep the floor clean. No broken dishes required.
The trick is remembering that most of what howls in the hot seat is old ghosts wearing new faces. When you see that, compassion sneaks in through the side door.
Beautiful teaching. May your dustpan stay light.
Virgin Monk Boy