You didn’t just survive. You composted shame into sacred soil and wrote your way back into your own arms. There’s no need for soft filters here. You named the truth and made it holy. And holiness, real holiness, is never clean. It bleeds. It bruises. It breaks the curse of silence by speaking in a voice that trembles and still refuses to flinch.
You’re not unlovable. You’re untouchable to anything that can’t hold you with reverence.
This is not how it should have been. It doesn’t make sense at all. Why is the world so insane? How is it that you couldn’t find anybody who was good enough for you? I am a math person. Everything has to equate to null. If you suffered so much, where is the joy? How can somebody live only with suffering all her life? Something is not quite right here. What am I missing? Why didn’t you find somebody who was worth marrying and living with?
You are right sweet Shalini, it doesn`t make sense, yet it is no less the truth. It wasn`t that I couldn`t find anybody.... I didn`t look wear the worthy men grew, nor did worthy men see a sparkle in the girl the garbageman dumped in the street. I was abused and broken, damaged goods not to be loved but discarded after use.
I chose to shut down and surround myself in shame because shame was comfortable, it is all I`ve ever known.
I have now chosen to release shame and let it dissolve in love`s light. I have fought hard for my spirit and my soul. I have heard the devil whisper to for me to end my life. I prayed harder.
God came to me in a dream, placed his hand on the side of my face. He gave me the gift of unconditional love in that moment. It was most beautiful feeling I have ever felt. From that moment on I try to be that love, show that love. I don`t always get it right but I try.
One day I will bask in that love again when I leave this realm. I have accepted that I may never feel that love here and I am ok with that. The price too high and I refuse to be placed in the bargain bin of love just to be held.
It is enough that I learned to love myself not to be someone's bedwarmer, nor they mine.
You are a strong woman Debra Martin, I am in awe of all that you have accomplished and still experiencing in your life. But I also believe, that God will fix everything for you and make you delight and dance in joy! He did for me! He can and He will do it for you. I pray this for you in Jesus’s name! Amen!
It took me all day and many deep breaths before I hit publish. Then I had to leave the internet and rest in my decision. I have no regrets and am grateful for all those who have stayed with me on this journey. 💞🫂
This is not a confession. This is a resurrection.
You didn’t just survive. You composted shame into sacred soil and wrote your way back into your own arms. There’s no need for soft filters here. You named the truth and made it holy. And holiness, real holiness, is never clean. It bleeds. It bruises. It breaks the curse of silence by speaking in a voice that trembles and still refuses to flinch.
You’re not unlovable. You’re untouchable to anything that can’t hold you with reverence.
I see the lioness. I hear the roar.
Thank you for this. 💖🫂
I finally released a weight I carried for 53 of my 58 years of life.
The poetry of your being shining through the light you see in that mirror before you 💙🫂✨
Matthew the lighthouse across the sea shinning, glowing and safe haven for all those that need to see. Thank you for being my friend. 🫂✨💙
This is not how it should have been. It doesn’t make sense at all. Why is the world so insane? How is it that you couldn’t find anybody who was good enough for you? I am a math person. Everything has to equate to null. If you suffered so much, where is the joy? How can somebody live only with suffering all her life? Something is not quite right here. What am I missing? Why didn’t you find somebody who was worth marrying and living with?
Shalini,
You are right sweet Shalini, it doesn`t make sense, yet it is no less the truth. It wasn`t that I couldn`t find anybody.... I didn`t look wear the worthy men grew, nor did worthy men see a sparkle in the girl the garbageman dumped in the street. I was abused and broken, damaged goods not to be loved but discarded after use.
I chose to shut down and surround myself in shame because shame was comfortable, it is all I`ve ever known.
I have now chosen to release shame and let it dissolve in love`s light. I have fought hard for my spirit and my soul. I have heard the devil whisper to for me to end my life. I prayed harder.
God came to me in a dream, placed his hand on the side of my face. He gave me the gift of unconditional love in that moment. It was most beautiful feeling I have ever felt. From that moment on I try to be that love, show that love. I don`t always get it right but I try.
One day I will bask in that love again when I leave this realm. I have accepted that I may never feel that love here and I am ok with that. The price too high and I refuse to be placed in the bargain bin of love just to be held.
It is enough that I learned to love myself not to be someone's bedwarmer, nor they mine.
You are a strong woman Debra Martin, I am in awe of all that you have accomplished and still experiencing in your life. But I also believe, that God will fix everything for you and make you delight and dance in joy! He did for me! He can and He will do it for you. I pray this for you in Jesus’s name! Amen!
From your heart to God's grace, thank you for your prayers. With great love from my ❤️ to yours. 💞✨
Thank you Debra. Love you too!
May God bless you 🙏 ❤️ I truly get what you are relating to. (((Hugs)))
Knowing me for as long as you have, I know you know. 💞🫂Thank you for the years of friendship Kris.
So much pain and trauma.
I'm glad you are able to share that with us. I feel like that's important, and I'm glad you let me be a part of your journey.
Much love ❤️
It took me all day and many deep breaths before I hit publish. Then I had to leave the internet and rest in my decision. I have no regrets and am grateful for all those who have stayed with me on this journey. 💞🫂
Shedding shame that was never yours to carry Debbie. So glad to hear your healing journey.
Your reply was the first and much appreciated. It helped me say to myself.... I`m going to be ok. I appreciate you Ryan 💖Thank you for seeing me