Optimistically Annoying Myself

It isn`t easy to find the silver lining withing the dark storm cloud. It took years of actively working through my trauma to reach the state of being I try to maintain.

Definitely, and I have stated this in the past, that I found people such as myself annoying at best and avoided them as much as possible. Why? I hadn`t yet reached their level of experience in life, in healing, in grief or another life altering state that brought that person to become and project outwardly what it is they hope to find in another.

This article came about because of another posting from someone I enjoy reading, who is positively living through life like many others, and through all of her struggles, she finds gratitude within the day. And yes, even the best optimist has a day of indifference and even a rant to expel. It`s the contradiction we all face in life. The decision to own those days and not wallow within them is the key to changing attitudes and perceptions and negative beliefs we re-enforce to ourselves.

I felt a sting when I read one commenter saying that a friend`s mantra of “be the light”, found them questioning if that person is in denial of their trauma. I believe that sting comes from the fact at the end of each piece I write *Be the Light.

It isn`t a mantra to me as much as it is a statement of: Go out into the world and be nice or pay it forward and even help someone out of the darkness by lighting the way. Does it mean I am in denial of my trauma; NO, it means I have worked to heal myself and that I have decided to become what it is I seek in others.

I did not comment because the post wasn`t about me but hit a nerve within me, so I sat with those feelings. Realizing immediately that the issue was mine, I once again shut down the old recordings in my head that played. A time when I gave another person power to my self-worth. A time where I abandoned myself as to be loved or excepted.

Often, we contribute our mood to what somebody else said or did that “made us” feel or think. That is incorrect. Noone makes us feel anything unless we give that power to do so. The struggle is within. That doesn`t mean that the person wasn`t cruel, rude or impolite at best. Many and I do many people love to try and get “a rise” out of another person. We see it every day on social media within the comment section where trolls love to spend their time.

Our choice begins then. Do we hand over our power to allow such people to control how we feel or to ruin our day? I`m susceptible to this also and remind myself daily that I control my emotions and feelings and I refuse to give that up to anyone else. Hence the reason I ignore or politely (not always easy) refuse to engage and wish them well.

I was 28 years old when I spoke out to my mother. Her fits of rage and statements of “I hate you”, I could not and would not tolerate any more. I was completely willing to have that be our last conversation. I did not yell or raise my voice to her. After, stating to her how those words affected me and had for my entire life, I informed her I would not tolerate being spoken to that way any further. It was one of the hardest things I had ever done knowing I would follow through and never speak to her again. Fortunately, she never again said those words to me.

In no way am I saying that there are not oppressors in this world. People who feed off another’s self-esteem to increase their feelings of self-worth. When that oppression happens from childhood or birth onward, it manifests in the afflicted, it becomes their identity and their belief of self.

When we show compassion and empathy toward another, we help them see an alternative that they can create within themselves to be more than another`s opinion.

Imagine a world where we seek the goodness in another. We hold ourselves and each other accountable equally.

I`ve said to my children as they grew; Do not measure me by a stick you are not willing to measure yourself by. In other words, do not expect from me what you yourself will not do. The Biblical adage of judge not yet ye be judge.

Some will twist this to mean that anything is excusable, it is not. Morally we as a society need to uphold standards for living co-operatively with each other. That does not mean one way for some and another way for others. We can use the rule of law as an example here. It should apply equally no matter a person’s social economic status or race/gender/nationality/etc.…

Only then can we claim to be free or a just society. Those whose job it is to represent the whole forgot this very thing when they reach a position of power. They justify themselves by dividing the rest and that is how they remain in the seat of power. We see this every day in our communities, school yards, boardrooms and families.

Silence gets confused for acceptance- don`t make waves just ignore this person's bad/illegal/dangerous behavior. Well, they didn`t object so I get to ____

Activism gets confused for not being a team player- they are stopping you from having because they want us to care about_____. This gets said to divide us into camps of opinion instead of what is best for the whole.

Money buys influence and lobbyists are nothing more than that influence purchasing legislation and legislators who pretend to represent you while capitulating to corporate America.

What does the above have to do with the title of this article? Everything.

Are we going to negatively continue to throw our hands in the air and say that we do not have the power to change things? Or are we going to optimistically seek, find and create ways to be that change?

It starts with us. In our homes. In our families, communities, workplaces and our hearts. We have long learned it does not trickle down from the top. It is from the bottom up. We need to be that change we seek.

Why can`t fruit and nut trees be planted in public places? Can we plant them along sidewalks as to feed those who hunger?

Universal health care- health of the population should not be a for-profit endeavor- A great nation is one that cares for and invests in their population.

Bartering in exchange for services amongst our circles as not to hand over hard earned money to corporations.

Food safety that is not only implemented but well-staffed and substantial penalties including criminal when those safety regulations are not followed and ignored.

No more, “sorry we are short staffed”, while charging exuberant prices and raking in billions in profits. Hospitals and nursing homes, fire houses, and rescue squads deserve to be fully staffed. This will lower unemployment also.

Realizing we come from different back grounds, cultures and belief systems and religious beliefs. Noone has the right to legislate another’s bodily autonomy.

Politicians all receive the same amount to campaign with. No more super packs, no more special interests. They receive an allotment and that is it regardless of whether it is the Presidency or member of Congress.

News agencies are not allowed to lie or tell half-truths or alternative facts to the public. Have that be the law and enforced unilaterally. The facts and only the facts are to be given to the public.

Lofty ideas? I`d like to think of myself as optimistic that humanity isn`t lost and we can redeem ourselves as a species. Annoying but I`ve always been a dreamer.

✨Be the Light

💫Be the change