Just Breathe
The rain misty, the air dank and the skies blackened should have been my forewarnings to the afternoon and evening I just endured. My heart is heavy, and I pray it won`t be soon, but we know it will always be too soon.
My brother is a gentle giant but tough as nails. He`s been with me now 16 months. I look after him, he looks after me. Neither of us in good health, but this his second bout of pneumonia in three months, worries me again. COPD has led to CHF and respiratory failure.
As I waited for him at the doctors, I knew he`d refuse to go to the hospital.
“I know my body, and I know when it`s time!” He has stated more than once.
The piece below I don`t know what to call it. Poetry, prose, elegy or just ramblings of a sister who knows what`s coming.
Dear God, we know his time draws near. I see it in his eyes but could you, would you, leave him...with me...for Christmas this year? His will is strong...to live yet his want is there...to die. He struggles...to breathe, while he tries...to survive Could you grant him just...Dear God... just nine more days, to be by my side. Grant us one more Christmas, please. Then...if you must call him home. I promise to set him free. I know his daughter awaits him it`s been at least a decade since she left him. He`ll no longer be held down from the body that chokes his soul longing to be free. Ok... Debbie... just breathe If I could I`d breathe for us both, you know I would. I`m tired of fighting my illness too, I`d take your place but I fear leaving you behind more than seeing you go. We both know, yes, you're a grown ass man and would be ok but also, I know you`d say that anyway to help ease my pain of losing you. I love you dear brother❤️ forever and always Dear God, grant me nine more days...