Day by Day

Today is Monday. My brother is still in the ICU unit. I have an article I wrote before all this happened, to drop tomorrow; our mothers heavenly 89th birthday.

We are taking things day by day. As of yet he is unable to even sit at the side of his bed. He has gotten sick a few times today and last check is sleeping. The hospital is having difficulty keeping his O2 above 70 let alone 85 or higher. Per my brother`s wishes he will not be intubated or revived if his heart stops.

Time will tell if he comes back home to me or if he will succumb to his illness.

I find it difficult to write about or even think about anything but him. Our time together has been a blessing for him and for me.

We are only a year and a half difference in age. I`m the baby of the family. Bill and I were each other`s play mates growing up. He used to pull me in a sled down the road to the local park to go sledding as kids. We rode our bikes all over town back in the day. I would do his homework, he in exchange would do my chore of dishes.

He got to experience a lot of firsts in the last 18 months he`s been by my side again. His first time so far south, palm trees, palmetto bugs, geckos, the ocean and restaurants that were too far away to visit where we grew up.

I am hoping when he wakes, he will want me to come visit and sit with him for a bit. He told me not to come this morning. So, I honor his wishes. He says there is no sense in watching him sleep and with the bipap he can`t talk. But I can go and just hold space for him, if he wants.

I have read some today on here and liked or left a comment or two but it isn`t in my heart to do more at this moment. I am reliving the past in my mind of our lives together.

I have reached a milestone of 100 subscribers and as wonderful as that is and appreciated, rejoicing right now falls flat for me. Understand I am so blessed to have you all with me on my journey and will find the words and the stories to share, yet I hold them close for now. Not afraid to let them go but selfishly grasping them until my heart is ready to let them go.

thank you all ✨Be the Light