Cognitively Working with Spirit

Hello fellow travelers,

Join me on my path of exploration as I decide to work my way through the path of understanding of my own spiritual growth. I had grown comfortable with my journey thus far thinking I had all the turbulent trials behind me and the rest of my existence would be one of peace and harmony. Oh, how foolish of me and a very posh way of looking at my travels as if I was owed a smooth landing.

It has been three days since my last publication. One where I lament a hurt I felt was coming. Yet in the last three days I have done a lot of reflection on my reasoning on breaking a rule I had always kept. In that reflection and rereading my last publication I have had some new insights arise within me.

Though the deadline she set has come to pass and a new one offered, I am choosing to hold space and opportunity for redemption on her behalf and my own. My own you may ask. Yes, I had stated a couple of times unconsciously in my last piece, who was being tested me or her. I have come to the conclusion it is both of us.

You see; to live as one professes to believe is to spiritually put those beliefs in action or it is all fluff for stature and claim. Pomp and purpose are not what I want to achieve in my soul`s journey back to that source of pure love.

After all I also allowed myself to be a willing participant knowing how the last loan went (that I forgave). Yet I did not fully grasp the lesson then. Maybe it was not meant to be fully understood, or I did not reach that part of my journey within my own healing yet.

Sometimes we have a way of self-sabotaging ourselves. We without thought, line ourselves up to fail so that we may re-enforce a narrative about ourselves we`ve come to believe. Old narratives have a way of checking in from time to time to see if we have truly healed a wound, or did we tuck it away to wallow in later.

To say I prayed to God for answers would be a lie. I believe in that source of love that we will one day reemerge ourselves in when we leave this world. I have come to believe that source to be both God the Father and God the Mother and lives within each of us in spirit (that is holy) and enters this world with our souls when we are born.

I have learned to travel within and ask spirit to help me find the answers to whatever is troubling me. I then feel spirit has the ability to intercede and convey the message from source that my soul understands. I am not praying to myself, but I am praying to that universal source of love by going to where the divine lives within me, my heart.

I then feel through time in spirit (looking within) Source speaks to me and to you. Some may hear the Divine audibly, some may get visions, some may receive a knowing that is unexplainable or any combination of that inner voice that I just mentioned. It is not derived from the mind and logic nor analytical thinking. Cognitive soul language, I will call it; that if you sit within the stillness of spirit the answers come naturally. You know that you know yet cannot explain how or why you know it to be truth, you know it comes from Source and Source is pure love.

I was born and raised Catholic in my spiritual upbringing yet never felt the connection I somehow knew was there between whom I understood to be God and my own soul. It has taken me all of my 58 years to reach the understanding or belief one can say, that I have now. One that I am finally comfortable with and not afraid to speak about. I do not feel the need to hide in shame the way in which I interact with God (the Divine, Source). That in itself has been a journey of my soul.

My friend needs me to be that friend who stands and holds tight to the meaning of friendship. The one who will not loan again but will help her help herself, if she`ll let me. I know the narrative she`s telling herself from our conversations over the last six years of getting to know her. I know the self-sabotage she lined herself up to replay to beat her spirit back into old familiar beliefs she carries.

Maybe it is because the last four years have been very hard on her with all the health issues she has faced. Maybe it triggered the abandonment and unworthiness feelings she has carried to resurface. I do not want to be party to advancing the despair she feels. I am not excusing nor laying down to be a doormat to be trampled upon. What I am going to do is be that bridge to help her know we will get through this. We will see each other to the end.

The lines in her face, the tears of shame and the look of disbelief that I have not turned ugly toward her. It isn`t the money, I claim it is her integrity, so let me clear a safe way for her to redeem and claim it. Let me stand strong in my integrity to be her friend even in the rough times.

I have come to the realization that I didn`t want to be a lender because it places a contractual condition where there was none before. I can honor my own feelings to say I am sorry I do not have the means to lend to you, (in the future) but this is what I can offer freely to help you, and that may not be monetary. I can be that ear to bear witness to a safe place for her or another to work out a solution. I can offer solutions or options that helps lift them up without them being beholding to me. I can sit and not judge but allow our spirits to guide and see each other to the next summit in our journey.

I can let go of ego and become a stronger beacon of light in someone’s darkness. Not just when it is easy and convenient but when it is necessary because it is hard and challenges me to continue to seek a higher understanding of what it means to forgive, to hold up, to become the love that I have sought.

Somehow, I know that this is of great importance for the both of us and I am humbled, and I am grateful in the message and lesson my soul has learned.

✨Be the Light