2026 Here I Am !

The start of a new year brings many a new resolve to; finish that project or get fit or some other half-hearted declaration of doing something different. I`ve done it too believe me! This year it is not for me, no siree, not this old gal. This year I will not make a list of what I want to do or change about myself or circumstance but to go with the flow and adapt as I need to.

If I can say one thing about myself, it is that I am proficient in my adaptability. Yup, I took all the surprises, chaos and turmoil in my life and adapted in the immediate until I was either safe, came up with a solution, or came to the conclusion that something different wasn`t as scary as I thought.

I turned some very scary things into adventure. In my mind I created a challenge or storyline that drummed up courage and control. One such example; driving myself, my daughter and everything I owned in a beat up “Le Car” three states away, all by myself at nineteen. (full story on OSJ under the title- Le Car)

Sometimes adapting meant letting go. Letting go of people I loved, letting go of expectations and letting go just because it no longer fed my thoughts, ideas or my soul. This can include jobs, TV shows, books, podcasts, religion (not God, for me the dogma and control religions have), clutter and stuff that serves no other purpose than to take up space.

2025 sucked in so many ways yet it also contained many outstanding moments. I launched this Substack for one; I got another year with Billy; I enjoyed fun times with friends and family, and I have read some incredible writings and conversed with incredible people.

To now say that in 2026 I must give it more than I gave the years before it, is saying I failed in some way. That I did not meet some abject standard would be tossing away all that I have gained until now.

An analogy I will use to clarify or confuse you 😉 in my train of thought, is selecting a dance partner. Who I choose varies on the music and style of dance I am looking to enjoy.

The guy that tears up the floor doing the two-step but steps on my toes during a slow song, won`t be selected when I want to glide across the floor in a waltz.

We choose so many things in life based on where we are emotionally, financially, philosophically and spiritually in any given moment of our lives. Those things change, evolve over time and we keep what feels good to us and discard what doesn`t, if we have a choice.

There have been many times I thought I loved - a show - a book- a writer- a concept- a person to have later felt that it/they no longer gave me the same bond/emotional connection or enjoyment it once did. It can be for a variant of reasons.

I used to watch true crime shows like Cops, The First 48, and such. About several decades ago I stopped completely. They drove my suspicion and my nervous system crazy. So, I chose to replace those shows with comedies. Stand-up comedy mainly. My fear of … lessoned. I slept better for doing so.

What raises my ire, are the manipulatory e-mails, memes, that say that if you do not send to ten people- post to your site or reply, means that you don't care or something terrible will happen. The old chain mail crap from the 60s and 70s repurposed today. I abhor them and if it costs me a friendship, oh well. I may write I care about your cause in the comment section as support. But I will not bombard everyone I know and demand some type of loyalty test of them.

The past year taught me plenty as far as writing and reading other people's writings. One of those things is there are others out there that think like me. I do not mean only ideology but in the way my brain processes things. To find kindred spirits in similar tragedies that have befallen us and the process of rebuilding one's life and self-worth, is a feeling of belonging and feeling less alone.

Like all social media there are the trolls who search for nothing more than to argue or find fault. Yet here on Substack there seems to be less of that. There are some awesome writers on this platform for sure. There is also some that I like but cannot settle into. Here is where that dance partner analogy comes full circle.

When I read a Substack regularly it is because I know what to expect generally from them. Information, news, a heartfelt message and or a good laugh are a few examples. One can get a sense of who the person is behind the words. The author and their message either strike a chord within or not. Everyone, and I do mean everyone has their off moments where life bleeds onto the page in a rant instead of wholesomeness, but I digress.

Sometimes an author may change things up and that's great, it is “artistic license” to do so. Yet I find I appreciate some disclosure when an author, for example, goes from fantasy to a truth-based version of themselves that is a change in the character of what you are used to from them. But hey, like I said earlier, I adapt. I might even like the new version but if I don't, then I move on quietly. (change in dance partners) I also try to give some disclosure if I mean a piece to be sarcasm or if a piece warrants a warning.

What I detest, are the manipulators out there, who will bash others as being “performative or full of bullshit” in what they write because “they don't believe in that garbage blah blah”. They accuse everyone who is trying to find what works for them as being in some niche, AI, performative or guru 12 step, pay me up front type of unworthiness of existing.

If you don`t believe in those things other authors write about then scroll on by and pay them no attention. What works for some does not work for all but do not call another’s artistic expression or their way of making a living if that is what they are doing, bullshit to bolster yours. As if you are better than them while claiming that is not what you think as you cover a smirk and roll your eyes.

Maybe I feel so strongly about this because I was told once what I was allowed to think or believe with a back of a hand and words full of venom that hissed I was nothing without their approval. Maybe that is why I catch the inaccuracies of character in people. My awareness was heightened at a very young age. When words and actions do not sync that meant some type of manipulation or slight is at hand.

It may have nothing to do with you personally (most likely it does not) but what is going on within them at the moment. Their feeling of smallness, their lack of self-worth, their failures become a projection onto you by force of a fist or a silver tongue snake masquerading as warmth and safety.

It's different from a mistake of judgement. A manipulator plays with your emotions and convinces you or tries to, that you got it all wrong, or he/she had the right to ____ (fill in the blank). The dance is the tango. they do not want a partner they want a muse.

Full disclosure- erased from this spot- the apology for having an opinion and justification for the same. I am done doing that, another 2025 gift.

See 2026 is off to a great start. This spiritual, optimistic, trauma survivor, fallible, forgiving, always seeking soul and author writes of kindness, gratitude, love and hope that even in the darkest hour she has sought brighter days. She wanted to make a difference, to matter and to have purpose.

I mattered because I lived

I made a difference to my girls, my family and to myself

I have purpose because I rise to greet each day with love

Yeah, I am good with that.

✨Be the Light